too much to tell ~

heyyy !! how long it has been since i was here last time ?
hahahaha . such a long long long time .
i misss hereee so much .
yes , i really do .
have prepared a lot of story to tell , but then i don't know how to start now :D
well , i was busy with my basketball practice and preparation for my exams .
therefore , cant make out any time to visit here :(

for the competition , it turned out kindaa disappoinment :(
we were supposed to get the silver medal , but yhaa , just many things went wrong .
so we just took the bronze home .
regret ? no , i am not .
i did my best , really :) besides , i had a lot of fun theree .
oyaa , it was held in Batam .
memorable indeed and it won't happen for the second time :(
what i was regretting about : the boys didn't get anythingg ( it was close . about to get the bronze also , but the rival made 2 points in the last 4 secs ) yet some girls in the team don't really try to understand how they feel :(
it was said : one for all , all for one . did they really mean it ?
i don't think so . they just cared for their victorious and neglected those who waited them on the bus while they were taking the unfinished picts .
a week story , i bet it needs thousands words to tell , so we'd better to skip it :p
the point is : joy and sorrow . victory and defeat . fun and sweat . we had experienced it all :D

as for the tests , frankly speaking , i don't even dare to take a look at my result .
just keep prayingg x_x
moreover , quite disappointed with myself .
lousy mark i've got . really looked down on myself as none of my tests are pure .
will be receiving my report card on this 22nd dec .
wish me ggod luck :)

i miss my dsf a lot !!!
wannaa meet them , ASAP !!
yhaa , they are having tests , i know .
but even when they aren't having tests , they hardly have time .
do i still exist in their lifee ? anybody sees me ?
failed to remember when was the last time we gathered around x_x
dsf is vanishing , for what i can see .
left only few buddies hanging around together all the time , yes i am included .
how about others ? is there anybody kindly noticing others when you want to hang around ?
really dont know how to say , how to remind .
mayb some think that i am standing at some certain sides , i am just speaking my mind actually .
sorry for being rude :(
i miss you , guys .

i missed to say that i have a new god-sister :)
rindy audina . i get to know her at b.ball competition on last July and she joined this recently comp. also .
a fun girl ( yg blak-blakan ) :p
at first , i was surprised with her request .
hahahaha . then i know that she is a girl that is easy to get along with ( not like me :p )
ask, rindyy :)

it was about my first day at home after my trip from batam .
i cried , really . at that tired state , i was given pressure about school from my parents .
then my aunt asked me why through bbm ( have i told that i've got a blackberry from my daddy ? :p ) , and i told her a lot , so did she :)
sometimes , i really cant take it . how am i supposed to face it all alone ?
sigh* hope my parents could be more understandingg :|

some incidents made me trully realised that : yes , he really deserves my trust and i am proud of him :) :D
he knows how to make me so in love with him ♥
he knows when he should be here for me ♥
he knows when he should leave me alone to calm myself down ♥
he knows how to act like adult when i behave like a child ♥
he knows how to let me feel secure talking to him , walking beside him ♥
he knows how to lift me up when i am down ♥
no one ever did these beforee , i swear .
for everything he has done , what i have felt , no words can describe it .
♥ him so muchhhh ~

raindrops fallingg ....

finally !! got time to writee .
i bet i have forgotten what had been happening and indeed , i am :p
i'm bushed and almost 'suffocated' by my hectic schedule .
even hardly have time to take a deep breath . haiiks .
but truly speaking , i enjoy it :)
because i am doing things i like :))
( note : excluded going to that school which has become more and more 'not-like' a school from days to days ! )
i like going tuition , whether for physic , maths or english .
there , i can gather with my babes where i can share joy and fun things together :D
i learn things from my teachers whom i respect a lot :)
i like to have basketball training .
even though on wednesday , i'll have to rush to my private tuition .
even though , i'll have to wake up early on sunday morning .
i am just E.N.J.O.Y it :D

some people are weird , to me .
what are they expecting me to do exactly ?
do i always have to put a smile while there is nobody along the corridor or maybe when i am thinking my own matters ?
totally absurd . i am not here to please everybody .
i'll smile , when i think i need to .
whether as a simple greeting to people i know or as a politeness to somebody elder .
i'll laugh , whenever i find that something is funny .
why do people always expect to see a smile on my face ?
i am not smiling , but i am not pulling a long face .
this is what my face since i was born .
is it what i want ?
if only i could choose , in fact , i coudn't .
what do you expect me to answer when somebody asked : ' sil , you never smilee kae haa ? '
hahahahaha . it's killing !
seems that it is my sin for not smiling all the time .
it's just one of facts about me .
for those who understand , thanks a lot!

feeling terribly terrible right now .
just holding my tears and be patient although my heartache is killing me .
i'll just take that as your choice .
i don't care what reasons you had , what excuses you gave .
it's obvious that you have chosen your choice .
and please don't deny , because i know you too well .
i dont expect too much from you .
any sorry won't help and i am lazy to pick a fight .
the more i talk , the more i think , it just hurts me even more .
just enjoy your wet day :(

going to sg tomorrow .
a lil bit afraid because there won't be any adult accompanying my sister and i to go .
both of us are clumsy .
hope nothing goes wrong :)

i am having try out from school from 8 nov till 12 nov .
hmmp . kindaa stress , but nothing to do with it except study harder .
just hope that i'll have time to do so .
or i'll be dead for sure :((

new formula for today : my feeling is equal to the weather outside .
wanna cry , like the raindrops falling .
feeling cold , need him to embrace and hold me in his arms .
nothing could be better than to hide myself in his arms , i think .
yet , he is the person who i dont want to face right now .
although i miss him , a lot !

i guess i'd be better to go to bed now .
in case , i might go crazy if things go on like this .
good night .
and still , thanks to God .
although today is not that pleasant .
i know that there is always something behind what He plans :)
have faith in Him .
whatever happened in your life .
cheers ~~

cihuuyyyy !! XD

wohooo ~ so longg , but i am backk here .
just , hmm , a little bit lazy to writee :|
of coursee , got a lot of things to sharee !!
it's gonna be f.u.n onee :D

i received my mid term report card this morning .
i am not very satisfied with all my marks .
it dropped :(
will have to turn it better in the term test three months later :)
jiayouu xil xil !!! :D
actually , i was so fear that i might not be the first rank in the class .
not that i am kia su .
i just don't want my parents to get this chance , with an excuse that i hate the most , to 'deliever their speech' . dislike it very much .
but luckily , everything is well-being , so do my ears :p

lately , have been busying with vone's and my pre-open OLS's stuff .
so e.x.c.i.t.e.d !! :D
hopee many will buy our things .
$$$ neededd :D :D
a lil bit confused as both of us got no experiences at all .

and finally !!
my parents allowed me join 'porprov' .
damn happy :D the last chance ( for sure ) in joining this kind of competition .
but i just wonder 'can i make it through the selection?' . hope so :D
but very sad , my besties can't join .
it'll not be as fun as those days . but it'll still be fun , i think .
hahahaha :D
what i fear ( again ) are the neglected school subjects :|
because when the competition is held , at the same time , my school will be having tests .
the training time also clashes with my tuition time .
oh gosh :| many obstacles on the journey .
hope it will not be a disappointment :)
and last words about it : BIG THANKS TO DADDY AND MOMMY .
although i know they are worried about my safety , but i promise .
i will take good care of myself :)

today say2 is going back .
again , leaving his lecture behind . haiiks .
but i can't say nothing because his family approved him to do so .
and i have to admit : i m.i.s.s him sooooo :D
i didn't realized it until i really saw him at the court when i was called to gather there , to talk about the training time .

what else ?
hmmp . oyaa . about debate competition .
actually , i was pointed to join in it .
but due to the rules , i was not allowed as i am in the twelve grade already .
so , i just accompanied the juniors to go there .
only one of three made through the selection and as what i had expected , smansa always be the one who took the all the trophies . ckcks .

human is really a weird creature , i mean , myself .
yes , i am .
when i was pointed , i was trying to reject that opportunity .
when i was there , i just knew , what a great experience if i could join in it .
i guess , that's what human always does .
only know what has lost when it is really lost .
understand ? hahaha . if not , it's okay .
i also don't know exactly what i am talking :0

there is going to be a marching tomorrow .
wanna watch !! but i am waiting for my dears confirmation .
haiisk . vone and renny is not going to join us ler .
hmmp . in fact , i was one of the chosens to participate in it , but i pretend that i don't know anything about it . hahaha XD
bad me !! :0

wanna watch personal taste now , as waiting for dear .
but have to do some stuff for the OLS .
wan an :)

(= surprises . gifts . greetings =)

have just had a celebration with my dears :D
feel so great todayy .

never thought that my science class will give me such a surprise , but they did !!
although i know there was a cake , because i could smell the candle's scent . hahaha .
but i really truly appreciate it a lot .
maybe i have mistaken them all this time :(
i am so sorry .
will try to make up what i had done all this time .
although that was just simply my style in doing things .
hope you people forgive me , will you ?

after addition class at school , i went to the shop to help my mom for a while .
just to make note of something .
as i was too enjoyed myself in those things , i was late !
it was about 3 o' yet i told them to gather at my home at 3.40 .
hehehe :p
yaa , here was our activities for today :D

we went to cosmos for sing sing sing at 4 o' , actually it was them . erwin and vian .
hehehe . i was late and those who gathered at my home also late because of me .
i am so sorry :p
when we got there , we caught erwin and vian were singing together wooh !!
usually , erwin doesnt sing . huhu :(
but , hihii :D , as usual , very H.I.G.H !!
although at the very last minutes , i was very sleepy and tired :(
it was then 7 o' when we had finished our sing sang sung .
and dear2 and ko2 had to go for porprov meeting . huuhu :(
so , we waited them at the cafe waiting for them .

ooopz , problem popped out .
actually , we asked wonk to bring her partner to the party also .
just wanna know as we are usually seldom hang out together and hardly saw her boyfriend .
it was also odd in numbers , i thought it would be better in even :)
yet it turned out a cold and awkward situation .
feel so sorry .
they even almost or maybe had had a fight :(
it was supposed to have our dinner at 7 o' but then because of the meeting we got to delay .
wonk has told her boyfriend but it seemed that he didnt want to be the only boy .
but in the end , he came when both dear and ko came back .
after a while , they then chose to leave . feel phaisee . haiiks :(
hope everything goes well :)

really memorable night .
they gave me a star and love proyector , wrapped by a love gift paper .
intended to give me a surprise by showing the light .
but they forgot the battery . hahaah XD
quite blurr yaa . but i loveee them !!
they then made a special request of a birthday song in the cafe .
as it is a sat night , so there are singers . hwahwaa .
everybody looked at me lerr .
very very phaiiseee ahh .
but yeahh , happy and some indescribable feeling :D :D :D
while waiting for the boys , we took a lot of crazy pics .
will upload when i have time :)
after they came , took pics agaiin !! hahaha .
really crazyy pics . but amaziingggggggg !!
laugh till drop !! :D :D :D

still , many things that is unable to describe .
more than great .
more than fabulous .
more than any words that describe best yet it is still not enough to describe !!
anybody understands ? hahaha XD
wanna go to bed liaww . miss my bear . hahaha :D
THAT IS SATURDAY , OCT 16TH 2010 :D

i am seventeenth now ! =D

supposed to be in bed now , but .....
let's see what happened on FRIDAY , OCT 15TH 2010 :D
my birthdayy ! i am 17th now . ciihuuyyyy !!
received a lot of blessings , greetings and some gifts :D
thanks a lot yaa :D

dear promised to have a celebration with me .
of course i was very delighted hearing that !!
but unfortunately , i had a training at school and i had to go because i didn't go last week :(
after it had finished , i immediately rushed home as it was already very late .
mom told me to take a bath first . hahaha . actually she was hiding something from me .
guess what happened next !!

all my dears brought the cake for me to my room !
it was a love shape and it was written 'WE LOVE YOU' .
it was supposed to be without saying :D
surprised me and i was speechless :|
but , at that time , i was still very 'busukk' ee . hahaha XD
went for a bath and dined with say2 after all of them had gone back :D

he borrowed car from his dad and the gifts was inside .
at first , he just gave me a small bottle of stars inside .
but actually , that was only an 'appetizer' .
hahaha . he then took a very big jar and gave it me .
he small one contains 99 stars and the jar contains 999 stars .
really appreciate it ! his handmade . what could i ask for anymore .
so touched , even that is maybe just a small and little and easy thing .
but it was not about that . it is about sincerity . he has all that all this time !
love him so much !!

and another surprise came !
a big bear2 was waiting for me to be carried home . hahaha .
it was bigger then me ! feel so warm whenever hugging it .
it just feels different :)
and tell you a secret !
he forgot to remove the price tag . hahaha .
won't tell you how much it costed .
what can i say is he really spent a lot in all of this !!
hmmp . he even limited his expenses , just spent 1/5 from his pocket money when he started to prepare all of this !! for i believe it is a hard thing for him . i know him the best . hahaha :D

we went to pizza hut .
ate till really really full .
but we didnt finished our orders though .
what a waste ! but really couldnt eat anymore . huhuu .
then went for a spin and went home as it was already late .

i have never ever felt that great before .
and all because of him , i know how blessed i am .
thanks GOD .
he is one of the best gift from YOU in my life .
will cherish him better than anyone else did :D

any wishes for me ? =)

it's my SWEET SEVENTEENTH :D
any wishes forr meee ?!
hahahahahha :D
a wonderful night .
thanks to my family :D to say2 :D to all of my dears :) to all of my friends :) to everyone :)
for the dinners and red packets :) for the gifts and surprises :D for the blessings and greetings :) for the time , even for a minute to greet me HBD :) for everything :D

the beginning of my new new life :D

many dislike me :(

sitting around . got nothing to do .
hmmp . actually , got a lot of things to do but L.A.Z.Y :(
a bad habit that never changes . ckcks .

birthdayy is two days more .
so excited . moreover , it's a sweet seventeenth :)
who will be the first to greet me ?
what will i be doing ?
with whom will i be celebrating it ?
where will i be celebrating it ?
what gift will i be receiving ? - kinda lying myself because i know there will no be any gifts :|
what unforgettable moments will i have ?
of course , i know the answers of some of those questions :)
but when i do nothing , i keep wondering where is the good place , what is nice to be done for that moment .
nobody can help me though .

then i started to reminisce the last two years of my birthday .
two years ago , there was still phine ce .
a year ago , there was jiawen .
now , left only 7 of us .
and it is still a question mark whether vian wonk can join us .
it just become less and less people .
not crowded anymore .
those laughters . those jokes . are vanishing .

life moves on yet how much i wish to stay in these period of time .
next year . next next year .
will they still remember my day ?
cause some have forgotten but i don't blame them .
will there be anyone to be there with me ?
to celebrate with me ?
to greet me happy birthday ?
to give me their wishes ?

i don't know what i am thinking about .
but i am sure about what i am feeling .
many dislike me .
yeahh , i know and i am getting used to it .
perhaps i am just that detestable .
but what can i do about it ?
indeed , i am a person with tons of lack .

i am surrounded by a lot of people .
but somehow , i feel so lonely .
especially when i am at school .
yeahh , again , perhaps or maybe for sure , a lot of people detest me .
that is what i can't deny about .
it doesn't matter . i can still endure .
but sometimes , when i face a lot of pressure at school , there was nobody to help me .
have an indescribable feeling :(

i am an I.M.P.E.R.F.E.C.T one . far far away from the word 'perfect' .
is there anyone willing to accept this imperfect girl as a friend ?

the way you look at me =)

no one ever saw me like you do
all the things that i could add up to
i never knew just what a smile was worth
but your eyes say everything without a single word

cause there's something in the way you look at me
it's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
you make me believe that there's nothing in this world i can't be

i'd never know what you see
but there's something in the way you look at me

if I could freeze the moment in my mind
be the second that you touch your lips to mine
i'd like to stop the clock make time stand still
cause baby this is just the way i always wanna feel

cause there's something in the way you look at me
it's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
you make me believe that there's nothing in this world i can't be
i'd never know what you see
but there's something in the way you look at me

i don't know how or why
i feel different in your eyes
all i know is that it happens everytime

cause there's something in the way you look at me
it's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
you make me believe that there's nothing in this world i can't be
i'd never know what you see
but there's something in the way you look at me

♥ the way you look at me.... ♥

miss my grandmaa a lot !!!

what i feel now is sleepy sleepy and sleepy .
but i try to keep my eyes openn , just because i wanna share a lot !!
it has been a long time since i was here .
hwahwaa . so busy , got no time to write and a lil bit lazy .
hehehe :) :)

well , yesterday was my lunar birthdayy :)
thanks GOD for giving me a chance to live in this world till today , even i will complain about my life sometimes .
thanks for everything that you've always given to me .
they are the best for me , i believe . including my family :D
i was so blessed that i was still able to celebrate with my family around me .
that day , mom who woke up earlier then usual . though she need to pray as it was the 1st day of the month , she still manage to buy some ingredients for steamboat ( my request ) :D
dad who also woke up early , because he had to tend the shop as mom went to the market .
thanks a lot , dad and mom !
thanks to my sists and friends , who greeted me and gave me their best wishes .
also res packets from aunt and grandma :D :D
thanks for the midnight call , dear . quite surprised :)
LOVE YOU ALL :D
that dayy , i did my best to serve whole family as i could .
afraid that i can't do that again .
have a thinking that it might be the last time i had this kind of birthday celebration .
next year , maybee i will be celebrating it myself .
sob.sob :(
hopefully not like what i think .

mom and dad are having cold warr ?
haiish . the thing that i hate the most .
mom didn't tell me what happpened . i guessed she just did not want to ruin my mood .
the next day , mom told me .
yet i don't know what to do to help .
just hope everything will be fine soon .

this week , dear is not coming back .
haiish . i guess , he is just busy to look for gift for me .
actually , it is not necessary .
i would prefer to have him come back rather than looking things for me .
and he is going to have a marathon race tomorrow .
wish him luck and jiayouu yaa sayy ! :D
you can do it !!

just now , had some gathering with vian , vone and renny .
we were having dinner and we were too late for tuition .
hwahwaa . luckyly , i didn't get scolded .
hopefully , they didn't either .
it has been a long time since we could sit around together and have that kind of chemistry between us . the ambience was also good .
felt like the gap has gone and everything goes back to normal .
laugh like no manner and talk like speaker .
hahaha . ciihuuyyy !! :D
now , i am having headache about how to celebrate with them .
have no idea and hard to adjust time with one another .
at first , felt like don't want to celebrate , even until now , still a lil bit of me dont want to celebrate it . just don't know why .
hmmp . but that gathering just now changed a lil bit of my mind :)

i think i got to sleep now . for i am going to wake up dear at 5 and hopefully , i can wake up eraly and going to pray at 8 .
will talk much much more next timee yaaa :D
wan an ~

p.s.
everytime when it comes to my birthdayy , i will think about my grandmother .
i wonder how is she doing there now . i hope everything is fine :)
miss you a lot grandmaa !!

♥ only him ♥

♥ only he can stand my very bad temper ♥
♥ only he can tolerate my sudden change of mood ♥
♥ only he understands how i feel ♥
♥ only he knows why i behave like this and that ♥
♥ only he can endure when i act unreasonably ♥
♥ believe that no one can replace him and no one can do as well as he does ♥
♥ only him and there's no one else better than him in my eyes ♥

Just Wanna Be With You ♥

i got a lot of things
i have to do
all these distractions
our futures coming soon
we're being pulled in a hundred different directions
but whatever happens i know i've got you

You're on my mind you're in my heart
it doesn't matter where we are
we'll be alright
even if we're miles apart

all i wanna do is be with you , be with you
there's nothing we can do
just wanna be with you only you
no matter where life takes us
nothing can break us apart
you know it's true
i just wanna be with you
(be with you)

you know how life can be
it changes over night
it's sunny then raining, but it's alright
a friend like you always makes it easy
i know that you get me every time

through every up , through every down
you know i'll always be around
through anything , you can count on me

all i wanna do is be with you , be with you
there's nothing we can do
just wanna be with you only you
no matter where life takes us
nothing can break us apart
you know it's true
i just wanna be with you
i just wanna be with you

p.s.
♥ just wanna be with you .. ♥
the best things in my life :
♥ my precious family who will always be around . through every up , through every down , through anything , i can count on them ♥
♥ my dear who is always in my mind , in my heart . it doesn't matter where we are , we'll be alright . even if we're miles apart ♥
♥ DSF-ers , beloved friends who always make things easy when life changes over night . although our futures coming soon . and we're being pulled in a hundred different directions ♥
whatever happens i know i've got them
no matter where life takes us
nothing can break us apart
they are the treasures of my life .
♥ just wanna be with you all .. ♥
love and cheers :D

♥ kinship ♥ love ♥ friendship ♥

it has been a week since i went back to school .
but still , i can't find back the spirit in studying .
every single day , every each day , at school just make me feel annoyed .
just don't know why .
but the national exam is coming soon .
then a question mark has popped out , thinking whether i will pass or not .
haiiks . really need some efforts .
have to force myself to begin study and study harder .
or i think i will not get started in it until the exam paper is really right in front of me :pp
ganbatte xil !! :D

damn miss him right now .
or should i say that i have been missing him since yesterday ?!!
fiiuh ! his class starts today and that means we will have to stick to the old rules .
keep counting how many hours before we can meet .
and starting from now , it's still about 120 hours to goo !! :(
hmmph . just keep waiting . just keep waiting .

actually i have been thinking about something these lately .
my friends and i keep blaming and complaining about tasks and exams from teachers at school .
but hearing the others from other schools whose teachers gave them even more tasks and exams , i feel ashamed for myself . really :(
and i missed my secondary school life where i could share the same burdens with them all .
studied together . did homework together . gossiped together when there was no teachers .
and many more .
but now , while they are busying with their works , i am busying with my things too .
some unimportant things .
i ought to be like them . not doing useless things like what i have been doing since these past years .
fail to live up to my own and maybe my parents' expectations :(
gradually but surely , i am not up to the mark more and more .
kindaa sad . kindaa disappointed . sobb.sob :( :( :(

kinship , love and friendship .
the most important things in my life .

♥ kinship ♥
things have been well . no more bickering with my dad or mom or sisters .
will try my best to keep this family as harmony , as well as i can .
hope this situation keeps going like this , nothing can be better than this :) :D
adore , dote , love them so muchhhh !! :D

♥ love ♥
finding myself in love with him more and more .
*blushinggg :p
miss you a lot lot lot !!! :D

♥ friendship ♥
feel don't want to talk about it .
can't see it clearly anymore .
everytime when i think it , just feel like wanna cry . heartache .
besties are staying far and farther from me .
am i that detestable ?
can't reach you , your mind , your thought .
the more i try , the more hope i put .
and every time it turns out into a disappointment . it turns out into a rejection .
almost give up on trying .
maybe i really have to do some self-introspection .
maybe the problems lie on me .
i am the one who created unnecesaary troubles ?
i am the one who are not understanding ?
will time patch things up ?
really truly hope so .
although we don't have much time anymore :( :( :(

the bad sides of me

heyyy ! i am backk .
actually wanna write since yesterdays but have no time as the holiday is over liaw :(
miss here so much :(
wanna share a lot of things yet don't know how and where to start .

it's only the second day back to school and i am having a lot of pressure now . haiiks .
detest staying at school more and more .
always have no classes , no teachers or either too many works and tests .
yaa , i myself don't understand what i exactly want .
and it is so boring . the people . the surroundings . the environment . the way everything happens .
everything seems so stiff . not alive .
anyway , it is easier to say in a word : B.O.R.I.N.G
fiiiuh ! people keep asking high school never ends .
and me ? i want it to end as soon as possible . ckcks .

talking about agro .
it was fun . quite . not really .
huh ! it was fun but i was not satisfied .
didn't even play anything exciting to scream my lungs ( stress ) out . haiih .
actually i could but i choose not to .
it was hot indeed when those people let us play .
when we arrived , we still could play the sea sport actually , but due to many consideration , we delayed until the sea was subsided . and in the end we could not play .
what i like is : the photos :D
and our togetherness .
hmmp . although there were some doubts :(

maybe i was the one who don't understand the way he thought . why did he behave like that .
i think he was so childish that day . and even didn't think how people would feel when he answered somebody rudely , as a matter of fact , that person meant good .
don't know how to say anymore . let's skip it .

thrifty ? not my style indeed .
but i envy and i admire people who are thrifty .
they aree so 'li-hai' that can overcome their desires for some things .
until some other days , over-thrifty gives me a feeling that it should be called stingy rather than thrifty .
or even people who take it so seriously for a thing that is once a long time , for five or ten thousand . so calculative , aren't they ?
it is more disappointing when seeing those spending money on their own stuffs which were more expensive . that gave me kindaa 'no financial problems' people .
isn't that strengthen my view of 'over-thrifty = stingy' ?
haiiks . start to badmouth liaw .
stop it !! think positively please !!

feel kinda pressure while driving . hmmp .
i am really a careless person . huh !
almost had crashed to the others' car .
sometimes even break the rules . hehe :D
for those who have ever being frighthen by me , being 'touched' by my car , i am so so so sorry .
will try to be more careful next time :D

finally let out those 'bullshits' . huh !
yeahh , that's the way i think , the way i have been thinking .
some of the bad sides of me that don't know how to think positively .
finally , i spoke out my mind .
I A.M B.A.D I.N.D.E.E.D :(

cherish ~

here it is !
holidayy time :D
tomorrow is the dayy . hihiihi :D
room . car rental . parents' approval .
everything is solved now .
just waiting for the dayy . the day . the day :D :D :D

thanks to my kind and helpful and cool and charming and precious daddy who lend us his car .
hoho . and gave me quite a sum of $$ that is surely more than enough even for next holiday :D
p.s. not the holiday in other place of course :)
big thanks to my daddy and mommy . ciihuuy !!
love you so much much much :D

finally got news about jia le .
hohoo . she is very busy now .
poor her ! has lectures from morning till noon and continue working till late at night .
then i realised i am actually really well-being .
feel grateful . i really do :)

sometimes , life is just that wonderful , isn't it ?
wheel of life keeps moving .
sometimes we are at the top while we may be beneath in a blink of eyes .
cherish whenever happiness comes to you .
face it bravely whenever troubles and sadness occur on you .
for , we'll never know what will happen in the next minute .

hungry . wanna look for some food now .
*it was SAID that i want to diet , in fact , i just keep eating :p

got to go now .
will visit here again 2 or 3 days later .
with tons of things and experiences to shareee !

*looking forward !!

holiday-ing ??! it's gonna be FUN !! XD

heyy heyy !
it's agro time :D
excited . delighted . expecting . looking forward to it .
hoho . so great that i will have a full full dayy with my dears .
although haven't fixed the date yet , but FOR SURE ( 99.8% ) , we aree GOING .
cihuuuuyyy :DD
currently our only worry is afraid that there is no room for us . hiiks :(
actually , haven't asked renny and wonk .
vian also hasn't asked her dad . but chances are quite big for 'permission granted'
wondering what will we do there .
i think there will no BBQ-ing , for it's quite troublesome actually .
hmmp . as usual , maybe just games and sea sports ?! :)
new mission for this trip : hunting photos as many as we can , as many as possible .
heheheh .
p.s. von , remember to bring your weapons :pp

singapore ? universal studio ?
hoho . i had cancelled it already . haiiks .
although wish to have gone there , but i believe i still have many chances await :)
for i am going there to study .
moreover , my sist said some of attractions still cannot be played .
so it will be a waste if i can't try all of it . hahah :D
and there is nobody going also . only 2 or 3 persons .
so boring , isn't it ?
maybee next time yaa vero and merii .
we still got chances laaa . wait until many people joining us :D

hoho . finally , got a vacation . fiiuh !
and it is with my preciousss :D
now , just have to wait for : room information . vian , ren and wonk confirmation . car availablity .
hwahwaa . i wonder my daddy would lend me his car or not . hmmp .
how to talk yaa ? hwawhaa . any suggestion ?
if cant , i guess we will have to rent a car . that means money again . huhuu :(

have been hanging out these lately so today i am staying home , be a good girl XD
and also have been eating a lot that i put my weight on .
hiik hiiks . should diet before going agro , or i will look fat in the photos . wkk :D

this morning , i had a nightmare .
haiiks . don't even dare to think about that .
why do i always dream people around me passed away ? hiiks hiiks .
what does that mean ?
horrible :(

my sist and aunt had just come back from sg and got some 'ole-olee' for mee :)
uss souvenir . a dress . some snack and chocolates :D
*no wonder i am putting on weight :p

it's time to accompany my say2 . as i am writing , i reply his sms-s so slow .
*sorry sayy . the express one is coming . hehehe :p
g.naiid all .
wish there is no any obstacles for our nearly perfect plan for holidayy :)
long time no have this kind of gathering .
miss it so so so much :D

I MISS THEM SO MUCHH !!

just went for a spin with my sayy2 :)
now he is looking for food and asking whether i want or not .
if yes , he will do the delivery :)
hahahha . it feels so good when you are hungry at midnight and there is somebody who delievers food for you :D
so blessful i am :)
especially knowing something that made me delighted .
hahaha . i just knew that just now .
i shall keep it for myself . sssssssssstttt !! :pp

hmm . todayy ?
it's my first gathering after i had myself calmed down .
not bad lar . hmmp .
don't know why . don't know how .
i feel so relieved :)
i admit : I MISS THEM SO MUCH !!
it feels so great . don't have burdens anymore :D

and i am free now .
no need to work , can stay up late and wake up in the late afternoon :D
and for ( quite ) sureee , i am goingg holidayyy :)
i don't care whether it's with my parents or friends .
what matter is i am really going to have a vacation :D

say2 is having some family problems ler .
hmmp . hope things will get better .
p.s. you know i will always be theree :D

got some problems with batam's basketball players who participated in popda 2010 .
i do hope that it was only a misunderstanding .
don't want things to get worse .
they should have get the whole thing comes to the light before posted anything that will damage our reputations .
we still yet to know who is the culprit behind all this .
we don't know anything but things is agaiinst at us now .
haiish . don't understand why some people like to create troubles :(
anywayy , we would like to say sorry if anyone from us did that kind of thing .
it's indeed a bit too far .

jess is having a trip to sg . huhu .
so envyy . hope she enjoy larr .
p.s. don't forget my 'olee-olee' y sist :)
have fun !!
but she leaves me alone here ler .
hwahwaa . i am alone in this room .
a bit 'uii am' . hahah :D
but sometimes , i like this kind of feeling .
silent :)

it's hard to know what is on poeple's mind ..

人心难测..

life experience ??

finally got times to write :)
although i am quite unwell and wanna get a rest asap ,
but still , wanna visit another world of mine :D

yesterday , i met an unreasonable customer at my mom's shop .
yeahh , i have been helping my mom for the first week of my holidayy .
hmmp . the most unreasonable customer i have ever met .
nearly cursed him yesterday . hiiks .
how could he ?!! obviously , it was his mistake .
but he was putting all the blame on me . he is like SH*T !!
he was about to buy glass that time . i asked him the size and how thick .
he then passed a piece of paper to me .
it was written "54 x 25 3 ml 2 pieces " . as what it was written the size should have been : 54 x 23 and 3 milimetres thick .
i asked him twice is it the size , making sure .
and it turned out i was blamed by him for the miscutting glasses . huh !!
it was obvious that the paper showed 3 mm and he said it was 5 mm .
he said to my mom what he meant was : 54 x 25.3 .
he even phoned and scolded me . huh !
asked me whether i can or not . i am the one who want to ask whether he can write or not aa >,<
my mom said i am not experienced enough reading their handwritings .
yeahh , maybe i am not , but surely the workers got more experiences right ?!!
i even didn't say anything to the worker and directly passed the paper to him as what the buyer gave me .
is it my fault ?! i re-asked him and he didn't make any changes to what he ordered , so i just directly passed the paper . anyone who were in my place will do that , right ?!

daddy said that is one of my life experience , hoping that i understand how hard surviving in the society , how hard earning money is and how should i behave when encounter that kind of people .
yeahh , i admit now , earning money is hard indeed . now i know why dad and mom always remind me to spend money wisely .
and i have set a goal in myself since then . as soon as i have got enough ability to support my parents life , i am going to let them quit . wanna let them enjoy a comfortable life , without have to suffer people's mistreats .
how much i wish i can do that :)

sayy2 is unwell too ler . haiiks .
even had some quarrels with his dad who misunderstood him .
poor sayy2 . hmmp . hope things will get better yaa .
and of course , get well soon :D

and don't know what happened to renny . she was so glum just now .
heyy girl ! you know you can share with us :) if you want .

a little disappointed with vian's surprise .
hahaha . it was actually only the hair that she hided up last night XD
but really , there wasn't any quite obvious different between last night and tonight's hair .
i shouldn't let my imagination run wild to think that any big surprise will come to me . hahaha .

and here is the good news !
unexpectedly , i got the 2nd rank at ddtc .
ciihuyy !! :D
but i think , i am still far awayy for a good english . hmmp .
need to put more efforts in it :D

that's it ! need to have rest liaw .
got to wake up early tommorow .
may GOD bless me not to run into any weird customers again .
*trauma :p
wan an ~

i love to write !! XD

IT FEELS SO GREAT AFTER WROTE IT OUT !!

I THINK I AM GOING TO STAY HERE AS LONG AS I CAN :D

SHE - 少了一个人 ( Without You )

朋友聚会吵闹的快乐
peng you ju hui chao nao de kuai le
The happiness of gathering together with friends bickering away

在她们离开以后变稀薄
zai ta men li kai yi hou bian xi bo
fades away once they leave

走路回家 回像山洞的窝
zou lu hui jia hui xiang shan dong de wo
As I walk home to that cave-like house

突然渴望有人 能来接我
tu ran ke wang you ren neng lai jie wo
I suddenly wish there was someone who could come pick me up


泡著热水在浴室赖著
pao zhe re shui zai yu shi lai zhe
In the bath, soaking in hot water

思念却也被滚烫冒烟了
si nian que ye bei gun tang mao yan le
even my thoughts of you boil and turn to smoke

最后的简讯 看到能背了
zui hou de jian xun kan dao neng bei le
The last text message, I can even memorise it now.

多久没有再联络 一想还是痛
duo jiu mei you zai lian luo yi xiang hai shi tong
How long since we talked? It still hurts when I think about it


少了一个人宠爱我
shao le yi ge ren chong ai wo
Missing someone to love me

朋友的爱 成分就是不同
peng you de ai cheng fen jiu shi bu tong
Love from friends, just isn't the same

最难过 是笑著面对被羡慕自由
zui nan guo shi xiao zhe mian dui bei xian mu zi you
The saddest is smiling as others admire my freedom

练很久的成熟 也快遮掩不住 寂寞
lian hen jiu de cheng shu ye kuai zhe yan bu zhu ji mo
The maturity I've been practising for so long, can't cover up my loneliness for much longer


妈妈在电话裏挂念我
ma ma zai dian hua li gua nian wo
Mama tells me on the phone that she misses me

上次欲言又止她还记得
shang ci yu yan you zhi ta hai ji de
she still remembers the last time I wanted to say something yet didn't

喜欢装没事 其实最累了
xi huan zhuang mei shi qi shi zui lei le
I like to pretend there's nothing wrong when actually I'm really tired.

但我清楚很多事 哭了也没用
dan wo qing chu hen duo shi ku le ye mei yong
But I know that there are many things there's no use crying about


少了一个人拥抱我
shao le yi ge ren yong bao wo
Missing someone to embrace me

那种拥抱 能够忘了所有
na zhong yong bao neng gou wang le suo you
That embrace, can make me forget everything

两个人 就算下雪后赤脚逆著风
liang ge ren jiu suan xia xue hou chi jiao ni zhe feng
Even after it snows, when two people are barefoot in the wind

也不觉得冰冻 还笑得比阳光 炽热
ye bu jue de bing dong hai xiao de bi yang guang chi re
It doesn't feel ice-cold, our smiles are warmer than the sun's rays


少了一个人懂得我
shao le yi ge ren dong de wo
Missing someone who understands me

能够体会 我倔强又脆弱
neng gou ti hui wo jue qiang you cui ruo
Someone who knows when I'm being stubborn or feel weak

不记仇 温柔原谅我情绪太波动
bu ji chou wen rou yuan liang wo qing xu tai bo dong
Someone who won't hold grudges, gently forgive my sudden changes in mood

用泪光舍不得 融化我累积的 寂寞
yong lei guang she bu de rong hua wo lei ji de ji mo
Someone who can't bear to see me use teardrops to dissolve the loneliness I've built up

很固执 无条件爱我从来没变过
hen gu zhi wu tiao jian ai wo cong lai mei bian guo
Someone who'll be persistent, unconditionally love me for never changing who I am

在大吵的时候 会抱著我 沉默 不动
zai da chao de shi hou hui bao zhe wo chen mo bu dong
And when it's noisy, someone who will hug me, quietly, without movement


English translation by catalie @ http://asianfanatics.net/
Pinyin translation by kimuchi08 @ http://www.chunellafc.phpbb9.com/
Please credit the translators & http://bananaxmushroom.blogspot.com/ and include this note if/when transferring elsewhere.

郭靜 - 每一天都不同

最討厭 要下不下的雨
Zuì tǎoyàn yào xià bùxià de yǔ
Hate to be no less than under the rain

可惜未來總是 撲朔迷離
Kěxí wèilái zǒng shì pūshuòmílí
Unfortunately, the future is always complicated and confusing

如果摔得越痛 才越會飛行
Rúguǒ shuāi de yuè tòng cái yuè huì fēixíng
If you never got hurt to be the more will be flying

快把我 丟向最高的天空裡
Kuài bǎ wǒ diū xiàng zuìgāo de tiānkōng li
throw me up to the highest sky


不喜歡 別人說我幸運
Bù xǐhuan biérén shuō wǒ xìngyùn
Don't like other people said I was lucky

他們不懂我有 多麼努力
Tāmen bù dǒng wǒ yǒu duōme nǔlì
They do not know how hard I am

雖然衝動永遠 比堅持容易
Suīrán chōngdòng yǒngyuǎn bǐ jiānchí róngyì
Although the impulse is always easier than adhere

寶貴的東西都需要很費心
Bǎoguì de dōngxi dū xūyào hěn fèixīn
Valuable things take a worry


碰到的事 每一天都不同
Pèng dào de shì měi yītiān dū bùtóng
Encounter something different every day

有的給我眼淚 有的給我笑容
Yǒu de gěi wǒ yǎnlèi yǒu de gěi wǒ xiàoróng
Some give me give me a smile and some tears

終於會珍惜花開不怕花落
Zhōngyú huì zhēnxī huā kāi bùpà huā luò
Finally can cherish flowers that bloom eventually not afraid it withers

走過的曲折 就全變成彩虹
Zǒu guò de qūzhé jiù quán biànchéng cǎihóng
Walked into a rainbow twists and turns on the whole


不喜歡 別人說我幸運
Bù xǐhuan biérén shuō wǒ xìngyùn
Don't like other people said I was lucky

他們不懂我有 多麼努力
Tāmen bù dǒng wǒ yǒu duōme nǔlì
They do not know how hard I am

雖然衝動永遠 比堅持容易
Suīrán chōngdòng yǒngyuǎn bǐ jiānchí róngyì
Although the impulse is always easier than adhere

寶貴的東西都需要很費心
Bǎoguì de dōngxi dū xūyào hěn fèixīn
Valuable things take a worry


遇見的人 每一天都不同
Yùjiàn de rén měi yītiān dū bùtóng
Meet different people every day

偶爾失去什麼 偶爾學到什麼
Ǒuěr shīqù shénme ǒuěr xué dào shénme
What is sometimes lost sometimes learn anything

慢慢能翻越沙丘 走出日落
Màn man néng fānyuè shāqiū zǒuchū rì luò
What is sometimes lost sometimes learn anything

每一天的我 要比昨天遼闊
Měi yītiān de wǒ yào bǐ zuótiān liáokuò
Each day than yesterday, I vast


連我都不相信自己的時候
Lián wǒ dū bù xiāngxìn zìjǐ de shíhou
Even when I do not believe in myself

只有你一直相信我
Zhǐyǒu nǐ yīzhí xiāngxìn wǒ
Only you have always believe me

此刻我什麼也不想說
Cǐkè wǒ shénme yě bùxiǎng shuō
I don't want to say any single words right now

因為擁抱能表達得更多
Yīnwèi yǒngbào néng biǎodá de gèng duō
Because hug can express much more


碰到的事 每一天都不同
有的給我眼淚 有的給我笑容
終於會珍惜花開不怕花落
走過的曲折 就全變成彩虹
遇見的人 每一天都不同
偶爾失去什麼 偶爾學到什麼
慢慢能翻越沙丘 走出日落
每一天的我 要比昨天遼闊

NOBODY CARES !!

what i wanna sayy is : I'M DISAPPOINTED .
yeahh , i'm disappointed with myself .
haiiks . how much i wish i could be more understanding .

have been planing a trip for this holidayy :

PLAN A : danau biru .
got quite good responses , but everybody is afraid of hungry ghost month .

PLAN B : bintan agro resort
had planned to go to agro and nobody has responsed . and until finally somebody responsed , would there still got suite for us ? the answer is : probably .. NO

PLAN C : universal studio singapore
have been asking people to join this trip . started with DSF and it turned out : disappointed .
then i got vero to accompany me . so far , only two of us .
also , have been looking info for this trip .

nearly give up . but i really need a vacation .
so frustrated . so stressed .
i am tired .

and now , honestly speakingg , i am not going anywhere wherever you guys ask me to .
until i feel i really can face you all with a sincere smile and laughter .
it's so hard to fake .
it's so hard to pretend that everything is right while nothing goes right .

i am just tired to adjust my time with yours while nobody cares about my difficulties :@
you guys go ahead without me . i am okay .
otherwise , i am afraid that i may ruining everybody's mood .
and i have been wondering :
have they ever tried to find even a little time for each of us , our gatherings ?
i doubt that .
all of us know that our time is getting shorter each time .
and we are going on different track starting then .
shouldn't we cherish this period of time ?
and what happened ?
in fact , when i was asking out , nobody seemed enthusiastic about it .
and now , why should i feel enthusiastic about it ?!
nobody cares .
then why should i care ?

yeahh , i am not an understanding friend , indeed .
maybe you have your own difficulties too .
but this time , i wanna be wilful , can i ?
blame me if you want .
this is me !
everyone's patient got limit , i am not the exception .
and i think , it's the limit of mine .
and i have always been an impatient person
that's the fact everyone can't change .

and i thought i will always have somebody to rely on , to talk whenever i have problems .
but i find that somebody is walking far far away from me .
he always disappears suddenly .
i don't know what he was doing , where he was , with whom he was .
i don't even don't know how to reach his mind .
it's hard to communicate now .
i don't even know what to talk , where to start .
each time i spoke up my mind , he would minsunderstand .
so , what should i do ?

it's not my right to forbid him to go anywhere .
it's not my right to forbid him to hang out with whom .
and i am not meant to do so .
'i don't like' doesnt mean 'you cannot go'
i just want him to tell me where he is , what he is doing and with whom .
if that is too over , then at least do let me know if he minds .
i shall not let him doing so then .
it's not that i don't trust him .
just to let mee feel ease and not to worry unduly .

hopeless now !
both friendship and relationship .
damn terrible now
how much i wish i could be more understanding .
although they have their difficulties , but the way they made me feel was that they don't care .
they have no intention at all .
really truly hate this kind of feeling .
but i can't help it .
call me coward . call me selfish .

what i am grateful is i still have my family .
no matter what .
no matter how .
no matter when .
they always be there for me .
and they will always be :)

` no matter how bad chapters you face in your life ,
remember that the story of your life still moving forward .
look at the bright side :D `