NOBODY CARES !!

what i wanna sayy is : I'M DISAPPOINTED .
yeahh , i'm disappointed with myself .
haiiks . how much i wish i could be more understanding .

have been planing a trip for this holidayy :

PLAN A : danau biru .
got quite good responses , but everybody is afraid of hungry ghost month .

PLAN B : bintan agro resort
had planned to go to agro and nobody has responsed . and until finally somebody responsed , would there still got suite for us ? the answer is : probably .. NO

PLAN C : universal studio singapore
have been asking people to join this trip . started with DSF and it turned out : disappointed .
then i got vero to accompany me . so far , only two of us .
also , have been looking info for this trip .

nearly give up . but i really need a vacation .
so frustrated . so stressed .
i am tired .

and now , honestly speakingg , i am not going anywhere wherever you guys ask me to .
until i feel i really can face you all with a sincere smile and laughter .
it's so hard to fake .
it's so hard to pretend that everything is right while nothing goes right .

i am just tired to adjust my time with yours while nobody cares about my difficulties :@
you guys go ahead without me . i am okay .
otherwise , i am afraid that i may ruining everybody's mood .
and i have been wondering :
have they ever tried to find even a little time for each of us , our gatherings ?
i doubt that .
all of us know that our time is getting shorter each time .
and we are going on different track starting then .
shouldn't we cherish this period of time ?
and what happened ?
in fact , when i was asking out , nobody seemed enthusiastic about it .
and now , why should i feel enthusiastic about it ?!
nobody cares .
then why should i care ?

yeahh , i am not an understanding friend , indeed .
maybe you have your own difficulties too .
but this time , i wanna be wilful , can i ?
blame me if you want .
this is me !
everyone's patient got limit , i am not the exception .
and i think , it's the limit of mine .
and i have always been an impatient person
that's the fact everyone can't change .

and i thought i will always have somebody to rely on , to talk whenever i have problems .
but i find that somebody is walking far far away from me .
he always disappears suddenly .
i don't know what he was doing , where he was , with whom he was .
i don't even don't know how to reach his mind .
it's hard to communicate now .
i don't even know what to talk , where to start .
each time i spoke up my mind , he would minsunderstand .
so , what should i do ?

it's not my right to forbid him to go anywhere .
it's not my right to forbid him to hang out with whom .
and i am not meant to do so .
'i don't like' doesnt mean 'you cannot go'
i just want him to tell me where he is , what he is doing and with whom .
if that is too over , then at least do let me know if he minds .
i shall not let him doing so then .
it's not that i don't trust him .
just to let mee feel ease and not to worry unduly .

hopeless now !
both friendship and relationship .
damn terrible now
how much i wish i could be more understanding .
although they have their difficulties , but the way they made me feel was that they don't care .
they have no intention at all .
really truly hate this kind of feeling .
but i can't help it .
call me coward . call me selfish .

what i am grateful is i still have my family .
no matter what .
no matter how .
no matter when .
they always be there for me .
and they will always be :)

` no matter how bad chapters you face in your life ,
remember that the story of your life still moving forward .
look at the bright side :D `