too much to tell ~

heyyy !! how long it has been since i was here last time ?
hahahaha . such a long long long time .
i misss hereee so much .
yes , i really do .
have prepared a lot of story to tell , but then i don't know how to start now :D
well , i was busy with my basketball practice and preparation for my exams .
therefore , cant make out any time to visit here :(

for the competition , it turned out kindaa disappoinment :(
we were supposed to get the silver medal , but yhaa , just many things went wrong .
so we just took the bronze home .
regret ? no , i am not .
i did my best , really :) besides , i had a lot of fun theree .
oyaa , it was held in Batam .
memorable indeed and it won't happen for the second time :(
what i was regretting about : the boys didn't get anythingg ( it was close . about to get the bronze also , but the rival made 2 points in the last 4 secs ) yet some girls in the team don't really try to understand how they feel :(
it was said : one for all , all for one . did they really mean it ?
i don't think so . they just cared for their victorious and neglected those who waited them on the bus while they were taking the unfinished picts .
a week story , i bet it needs thousands words to tell , so we'd better to skip it :p
the point is : joy and sorrow . victory and defeat . fun and sweat . we had experienced it all :D

as for the tests , frankly speaking , i don't even dare to take a look at my result .
just keep prayingg x_x
moreover , quite disappointed with myself .
lousy mark i've got . really looked down on myself as none of my tests are pure .
will be receiving my report card on this 22nd dec .
wish me ggod luck :)

i miss my dsf a lot !!!
wannaa meet them , ASAP !!
yhaa , they are having tests , i know .
but even when they aren't having tests , they hardly have time .
do i still exist in their lifee ? anybody sees me ?
failed to remember when was the last time we gathered around x_x
dsf is vanishing , for what i can see .
left only few buddies hanging around together all the time , yes i am included .
how about others ? is there anybody kindly noticing others when you want to hang around ?
really dont know how to say , how to remind .
mayb some think that i am standing at some certain sides , i am just speaking my mind actually .
sorry for being rude :(
i miss you , guys .

i missed to say that i have a new god-sister :)
rindy audina . i get to know her at b.ball competition on last July and she joined this recently comp. also .
a fun girl ( yg blak-blakan ) :p
at first , i was surprised with her request .
hahahaha . then i know that she is a girl that is easy to get along with ( not like me :p )
ask, rindyy :)

it was about my first day at home after my trip from batam .
i cried , really . at that tired state , i was given pressure about school from my parents .
then my aunt asked me why through bbm ( have i told that i've got a blackberry from my daddy ? :p ) , and i told her a lot , so did she :)
sometimes , i really cant take it . how am i supposed to face it all alone ?
sigh* hope my parents could be more understandingg :|

some incidents made me trully realised that : yes , he really deserves my trust and i am proud of him :) :D
he knows how to make me so in love with him ♥
he knows when he should be here for me ♥
he knows when he should leave me alone to calm myself down ♥
he knows how to act like adult when i behave like a child ♥
he knows how to let me feel secure talking to him , walking beside him ♥
he knows how to lift me up when i am down ♥
no one ever did these beforee , i swear .
for everything he has done , what i have felt , no words can describe it .
♥ him so muchhhh ~

raindrops fallingg ....

finally !! got time to writee .
i bet i have forgotten what had been happening and indeed , i am :p
i'm bushed and almost 'suffocated' by my hectic schedule .
even hardly have time to take a deep breath . haiiks .
but truly speaking , i enjoy it :)
because i am doing things i like :))
( note : excluded going to that school which has become more and more 'not-like' a school from days to days ! )
i like going tuition , whether for physic , maths or english .
there , i can gather with my babes where i can share joy and fun things together :D
i learn things from my teachers whom i respect a lot :)
i like to have basketball training .
even though on wednesday , i'll have to rush to my private tuition .
even though , i'll have to wake up early on sunday morning .
i am just E.N.J.O.Y it :D

some people are weird , to me .
what are they expecting me to do exactly ?
do i always have to put a smile while there is nobody along the corridor or maybe when i am thinking my own matters ?
totally absurd . i am not here to please everybody .
i'll smile , when i think i need to .
whether as a simple greeting to people i know or as a politeness to somebody elder .
i'll laugh , whenever i find that something is funny .
why do people always expect to see a smile on my face ?
i am not smiling , but i am not pulling a long face .
this is what my face since i was born .
is it what i want ?
if only i could choose , in fact , i coudn't .
what do you expect me to answer when somebody asked : ' sil , you never smilee kae haa ? '
hahahahaha . it's killing !
seems that it is my sin for not smiling all the time .
it's just one of facts about me .
for those who understand , thanks a lot!

feeling terribly terrible right now .
just holding my tears and be patient although my heartache is killing me .
i'll just take that as your choice .
i don't care what reasons you had , what excuses you gave .
it's obvious that you have chosen your choice .
and please don't deny , because i know you too well .
i dont expect too much from you .
any sorry won't help and i am lazy to pick a fight .
the more i talk , the more i think , it just hurts me even more .
just enjoy your wet day :(

going to sg tomorrow .
a lil bit afraid because there won't be any adult accompanying my sister and i to go .
both of us are clumsy .
hope nothing goes wrong :)

i am having try out from school from 8 nov till 12 nov .
hmmp . kindaa stress , but nothing to do with it except study harder .
just hope that i'll have time to do so .
or i'll be dead for sure :((

new formula for today : my feeling is equal to the weather outside .
wanna cry , like the raindrops falling .
feeling cold , need him to embrace and hold me in his arms .
nothing could be better than to hide myself in his arms , i think .
yet , he is the person who i dont want to face right now .
although i miss him , a lot !

i guess i'd be better to go to bed now .
in case , i might go crazy if things go on like this .
good night .
and still , thanks to God .
although today is not that pleasant .
i know that there is always something behind what He plans :)
have faith in Him .
whatever happened in your life .
cheers ~~

cihuuyyyy !! XD

wohooo ~ so longg , but i am backk here .
just , hmm , a little bit lazy to writee :|
of coursee , got a lot of things to sharee !!
it's gonna be f.u.n onee :D

i received my mid term report card this morning .
i am not very satisfied with all my marks .
it dropped :(
will have to turn it better in the term test three months later :)
jiayouu xil xil !!! :D
actually , i was so fear that i might not be the first rank in the class .
not that i am kia su .
i just don't want my parents to get this chance , with an excuse that i hate the most , to 'deliever their speech' . dislike it very much .
but luckily , everything is well-being , so do my ears :p

lately , have been busying with vone's and my pre-open OLS's stuff .
so e.x.c.i.t.e.d !! :D
hopee many will buy our things .
$$$ neededd :D :D
a lil bit confused as both of us got no experiences at all .

and finally !!
my parents allowed me join 'porprov' .
damn happy :D the last chance ( for sure ) in joining this kind of competition .
but i just wonder 'can i make it through the selection?' . hope so :D
but very sad , my besties can't join .
it'll not be as fun as those days . but it'll still be fun , i think .
hahahaha :D
what i fear ( again ) are the neglected school subjects :|
because when the competition is held , at the same time , my school will be having tests .
the training time also clashes with my tuition time .
oh gosh :| many obstacles on the journey .
hope it will not be a disappointment :)
and last words about it : BIG THANKS TO DADDY AND MOMMY .
although i know they are worried about my safety , but i promise .
i will take good care of myself :)

today say2 is going back .
again , leaving his lecture behind . haiiks .
but i can't say nothing because his family approved him to do so .
and i have to admit : i m.i.s.s him sooooo :D
i didn't realized it until i really saw him at the court when i was called to gather there , to talk about the training time .

what else ?
hmmp . oyaa . about debate competition .
actually , i was pointed to join in it .
but due to the rules , i was not allowed as i am in the twelve grade already .
so , i just accompanied the juniors to go there .
only one of three made through the selection and as what i had expected , smansa always be the one who took the all the trophies . ckcks .

human is really a weird creature , i mean , myself .
yes , i am .
when i was pointed , i was trying to reject that opportunity .
when i was there , i just knew , what a great experience if i could join in it .
i guess , that's what human always does .
only know what has lost when it is really lost .
understand ? hahaha . if not , it's okay .
i also don't know exactly what i am talking :0

there is going to be a marching tomorrow .
wanna watch !! but i am waiting for my dears confirmation .
haiisk . vone and renny is not going to join us ler .
hmmp . in fact , i was one of the chosens to participate in it , but i pretend that i don't know anything about it . hahaha XD
bad me !! :0

wanna watch personal taste now , as waiting for dear .
but have to do some stuff for the OLS .
wan an :)

(= surprises . gifts . greetings =)

have just had a celebration with my dears :D
feel so great todayy .

never thought that my science class will give me such a surprise , but they did !!
although i know there was a cake , because i could smell the candle's scent . hahaha .
but i really truly appreciate it a lot .
maybe i have mistaken them all this time :(
i am so sorry .
will try to make up what i had done all this time .
although that was just simply my style in doing things .
hope you people forgive me , will you ?

after addition class at school , i went to the shop to help my mom for a while .
just to make note of something .
as i was too enjoyed myself in those things , i was late !
it was about 3 o' yet i told them to gather at my home at 3.40 .
hehehe :p
yaa , here was our activities for today :D

we went to cosmos for sing sing sing at 4 o' , actually it was them . erwin and vian .
hehehe . i was late and those who gathered at my home also late because of me .
i am so sorry :p
when we got there , we caught erwin and vian were singing together wooh !!
usually , erwin doesnt sing . huhu :(
but , hihii :D , as usual , very H.I.G.H !!
although at the very last minutes , i was very sleepy and tired :(
it was then 7 o' when we had finished our sing sang sung .
and dear2 and ko2 had to go for porprov meeting . huuhu :(
so , we waited them at the cafe waiting for them .

ooopz , problem popped out .
actually , we asked wonk to bring her partner to the party also .
just wanna know as we are usually seldom hang out together and hardly saw her boyfriend .
it was also odd in numbers , i thought it would be better in even :)
yet it turned out a cold and awkward situation .
feel so sorry .
they even almost or maybe had had a fight :(
it was supposed to have our dinner at 7 o' but then because of the meeting we got to delay .
wonk has told her boyfriend but it seemed that he didnt want to be the only boy .
but in the end , he came when both dear and ko came back .
after a while , they then chose to leave . feel phaisee . haiiks :(
hope everything goes well :)

really memorable night .
they gave me a star and love proyector , wrapped by a love gift paper .
intended to give me a surprise by showing the light .
but they forgot the battery . hahaah XD
quite blurr yaa . but i loveee them !!
they then made a special request of a birthday song in the cafe .
as it is a sat night , so there are singers . hwahwaa .
everybody looked at me lerr .
very very phaiiseee ahh .
but yeahh , happy and some indescribable feeling :D :D :D
while waiting for the boys , we took a lot of crazy pics .
will upload when i have time :)
after they came , took pics agaiin !! hahaha .
really crazyy pics . but amaziingggggggg !!
laugh till drop !! :D :D :D

still , many things that is unable to describe .
more than great .
more than fabulous .
more than any words that describe best yet it is still not enough to describe !!
anybody understands ? hahaha XD
wanna go to bed liaww . miss my bear . hahaha :D
THAT IS SATURDAY , OCT 16TH 2010 :D

i am seventeenth now ! =D

supposed to be in bed now , but .....
let's see what happened on FRIDAY , OCT 15TH 2010 :D
my birthdayy ! i am 17th now . ciihuuyyyy !!
received a lot of blessings , greetings and some gifts :D
thanks a lot yaa :D

dear promised to have a celebration with me .
of course i was very delighted hearing that !!
but unfortunately , i had a training at school and i had to go because i didn't go last week :(
after it had finished , i immediately rushed home as it was already very late .
mom told me to take a bath first . hahaha . actually she was hiding something from me .
guess what happened next !!

all my dears brought the cake for me to my room !
it was a love shape and it was written 'WE LOVE YOU' .
it was supposed to be without saying :D
surprised me and i was speechless :|
but , at that time , i was still very 'busukk' ee . hahaha XD
went for a bath and dined with say2 after all of them had gone back :D

he borrowed car from his dad and the gifts was inside .
at first , he just gave me a small bottle of stars inside .
but actually , that was only an 'appetizer' .
hahaha . he then took a very big jar and gave it me .
he small one contains 99 stars and the jar contains 999 stars .
really appreciate it ! his handmade . what could i ask for anymore .
so touched , even that is maybe just a small and little and easy thing .
but it was not about that . it is about sincerity . he has all that all this time !
love him so much !!

and another surprise came !
a big bear2 was waiting for me to be carried home . hahaha .
it was bigger then me ! feel so warm whenever hugging it .
it just feels different :)
and tell you a secret !
he forgot to remove the price tag . hahaha .
won't tell you how much it costed .
what can i say is he really spent a lot in all of this !!
hmmp . he even limited his expenses , just spent 1/5 from his pocket money when he started to prepare all of this !! for i believe it is a hard thing for him . i know him the best . hahaha :D

we went to pizza hut .
ate till really really full .
but we didnt finished our orders though .
what a waste ! but really couldnt eat anymore . huhuu .
then went for a spin and went home as it was already late .

i have never ever felt that great before .
and all because of him , i know how blessed i am .
thanks GOD .
he is one of the best gift from YOU in my life .
will cherish him better than anyone else did :D

any wishes for me ? =)

it's my SWEET SEVENTEENTH :D
any wishes forr meee ?!
hahahahahha :D
a wonderful night .
thanks to my family :D to say2 :D to all of my dears :) to all of my friends :) to everyone :)
for the dinners and red packets :) for the gifts and surprises :D for the blessings and greetings :) for the time , even for a minute to greet me HBD :) for everything :D

the beginning of my new new life :D

many dislike me :(

sitting around . got nothing to do .
hmmp . actually , got a lot of things to do but L.A.Z.Y :(
a bad habit that never changes . ckcks .

birthdayy is two days more .
so excited . moreover , it's a sweet seventeenth :)
who will be the first to greet me ?
what will i be doing ?
with whom will i be celebrating it ?
where will i be celebrating it ?
what gift will i be receiving ? - kinda lying myself because i know there will no be any gifts :|
what unforgettable moments will i have ?
of course , i know the answers of some of those questions :)
but when i do nothing , i keep wondering where is the good place , what is nice to be done for that moment .
nobody can help me though .

then i started to reminisce the last two years of my birthday .
two years ago , there was still phine ce .
a year ago , there was jiawen .
now , left only 7 of us .
and it is still a question mark whether vian wonk can join us .
it just become less and less people .
not crowded anymore .
those laughters . those jokes . are vanishing .

life moves on yet how much i wish to stay in these period of time .
next year . next next year .
will they still remember my day ?
cause some have forgotten but i don't blame them .
will there be anyone to be there with me ?
to celebrate with me ?
to greet me happy birthday ?
to give me their wishes ?

i don't know what i am thinking about .
but i am sure about what i am feeling .
many dislike me .
yeahh , i know and i am getting used to it .
perhaps i am just that detestable .
but what can i do about it ?
indeed , i am a person with tons of lack .

i am surrounded by a lot of people .
but somehow , i feel so lonely .
especially when i am at school .
yeahh , again , perhaps or maybe for sure , a lot of people detest me .
that is what i can't deny about .
it doesn't matter . i can still endure .
but sometimes , when i face a lot of pressure at school , there was nobody to help me .
have an indescribable feeling :(

i am an I.M.P.E.R.F.E.C.T one . far far away from the word 'perfect' .
is there anyone willing to accept this imperfect girl as a friend ?